As It Seems
by AlexandreaLily107
Summary: Spencer Reid, has become short-tempered, withdrawn and calculating, as he tries to help his growing addiction to dilaudid. However, his team who are aware of what occurred with Tobias Hankel, and are ameliorate about his drug problem to narcotics; try to do all they can to help their stubborn young colleague, could it possibly be too late? Please Read and Review!
1. Part One

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Criminal Minds series it all belongs to the creator Jeff Davis and producers Mark Gordon, Aaron Zelman and Janine Sherman Barrois. **

**Warnings: Drug usage (dilaudid which is a narcotic). **

*~ **As It Seems **~*

**Chapter One **

_Summary: Spencer Reid, has become_ _short-tempered, withdrawn and calculating, as he tries to help his growing addiction to dilaudid. However, his team who are aware of what occurred with Tobias Hankel, and are ameliorate about his drug problem to narcotics; try to do all they can to help their stubborn young colleague, could it possibly be too late? Please Read and Review! _

"_Very often a change of self is needed more than a change of scene" - __**A. C. Benson**_

* * *

It was 3:26 in the morning when Spencer woke from his drug - induced state, screaming and blanketed in a rivet of sweat as the recollection of the darkness, and the physical torture that he sustained by Tobias Hankel were indented permanently into his mind.

He could clearly reinstate the ratting of the barn door, the breeze, the strong sickly smell of blood and the darkness, he hated the darkness.

As, the young borderline schizophrenic tried to recollect his thoughts and forget the pain, all he could picture was the trauma he'd sustained. He'd gone through hell, having been handcuffed and bound to a chair with a leather strap and being injected with narcotics, sure he didn't break, but that didn't mean he hadn't been terrified.

Spencer swallowed, his mouth dry, he didn't care much for water only coffee, even if it would make him more dehydrated. As he took a moment to come to his senses, he pulled back the royal blue blanket he'd slept with and was glad to find a sudden comfort in the luminescence globe that emitted a soft creamy glow around his living room. It'd helped with the nerves once he realised he wasn't in total darkness.

He got up from the couch, which he'd assembled earlier into a makeshift bed, he'd been too exhausted from the inadequate lack of sleep and from working long hours with his teammates at the BAU as they'd tried to solve a case that he couldn't be bothered to sleep in his own bed. The night terrors that plagued his mind and the sleeplessness reminded him of when he'd watched "A Nightmare on Elm Street" with Emily and Morgan. They'd enjoyed the horror, whereas; Spencer couldn't help himself and mentioned every intricate detail he could about sleep until Emily had threatened to turn off the movie.

He grabbed a mug from the cupboard, put water in the kettle and waited it to boil, as it did so he put in two heaped sugars, and a heaped teaspoon of coffee, he later added the hot water and full cream, milk and sat on the couch with his steaming coffee in hand as he flipped to the first page of "As I lay Dying" by William Faulkner.

The old English literature novel consisting of fifty nine chapters, each chapter being narrated from a different person's perspective. The novel had deeply captivated Spencer's attention as he found himself in the fifty third chapter, when he finally managed to immerse himself back into sleep.

He'd slept for only a few hours, but when he woke once again the craving for dilaudid had subsided in his mind, he knew the consequences, but he was stubborn and didn't want to burden the news on his friends that he was clearly struggling when dilaudid had the ability to take such pain away if only for a little while.

Once, he found the unused narcotics that he had hidden away in the bathroom, he grabbed a small bottle of dilaudid and the needle and hastily injected the substance into the most visible vein in his arm in which he felt instant relief. It had stung a little as he felt the prick of the needle go in but when the dilaudid took over, that few seconds of pain didn't matter anymore.

With his daily ritual starting with inadequate sleep, night terrors, coffee, and dilaudid he begun to get ready for work and start the process all over again.

* * *

_**Quantico, VA (FBI headquarters)**_

"Hey, Spence you okay?" JJ asked, as Spencer walked out of the elevator looking tired, his eyes clearly red and puffy.

"I'm fine JJ, why does everyone keep asking me that?" He snapped.

"We're, concerned about your well-being Spence, you're not being yourself."

"Nothing's changed JJ. I'm still me." He retorted as he hastily walked over to his desk to avoid her thoughtful questions. His desk was covered in piles of unfinished paper work, he sat down, took off his leather strap bag that hung loosely on his shoulder and went to work.

In truth, he wasn't handling it well; his addiction to dilaudid had started to control his life.

Even though he had this knowledge he dismissed it, he didn't care, the dilaudid was his new escape, he'd not only sustained physical but mental torture. He'd killed a man, his captor, that had been his only escape, but he would have to live with that for the rest of his life. Was he truly better than any of the UNSUBS?

"You alright, pretty boy?" Morgan asked.

"What?" Spencer snapped as he zoned out from his daydream.

"I was just asking if you were okay, you're covered in sweat." Morgan said with an awkward expression planted on his face.

"I'm sick of people asking me if I'm okay... Just stop pestering me... I can handle myself... I'm not a kid, so...so... Just leave me alone." Spencer mustered as he was unable to shake off the rush that the dilaudid was giving him.

"Alright, I'm sorry for asking kid, jeez but you'll always be the kid in this family." Morgan said as he wondered what had gotten into their youngest college. Spencer however, ignored him, and ran straight towards the bathroom.

His head was spinning; he turned on the tap and splashed the cool running water over his face. Maybe the dosage he'd administered himself with, had been too much?

Spencer tried to calm down and act inconspicuous by making himself another cup of coffee.

With a steaming cup of coffee in hand, Spencer approached his desk, trying to concentrate on his mass amount of paper work.

JJ, walked in not long later informing the team that they had a case, Spencer grabbed his bag and walked into the meeting room, he sat next to Garcia to avoid Morgan and JJ's bubbling questions about his startling new behaviour as they looked at him with faces of genuine concern.

A serial killer was on the lose taking young boys around the age of four or five. Garcia pulled the images up on the screen, it was clearly visible that these children were subject to no unique method in there murders only over-kill.

"Reid, have you got anything to add?" Hotch asked as the team were in a mild discussion.

Spencer, shook his head, he couldn't concentrate properly. "I think you've just about covered it." He said with a smirk.

"Okay, Morgan, JJ, Rossi, Prentiss and I shall be going to Monterey. Without further ado, we should get going." Hotch said.

"Why, aren't I coming?" Reid stated like a small child throwing a tantrum.

"Put this retrospectively, you were tortured and drugged, and a week after being released you expected to be put on the most horrendous cases, you need time to heal." Hotch said.

"So, you're calling me a liability." Reid retorted.

"Of course not, it just wouldn't be acceptable, what do you think the board would say, if we let you into the serious cases so soon after having to battle your own demons?" Rossi stated calmly.

Spencer, grumbled, not wanting to back down, but deep down he knew it was true.

"You can give me company." Garcia added. "Goodbye my lovelies have a safe trip." Garcia said with a smile as she waved them out the door.

Spencer, had spent the day with Garcia he'd scraped through a few files of paper work after a few more cups of coffee and he'd even been able to give the team a few valuable pointers when they'd finally arrived in Monterey.

* * *

At 6:00 that evening he'd decided to leave, which Garcia found strange, sure it was the usual closing time, but Reid would always stay late without overtime emitted. This time, however, was the expectation the FBI agency may have had usual closing hours like every other business, however, and an FBI agent was always technically on call. If a significant case arose, they would have to ready to leave at a moment's notice and for Reid today that was no different it may have been under totally different circumstances, but he had needs, he had a drug addiction to tend to.

He'd gone to the local pharmacist in town with a verified scrip in hand that he'd obtained after his capture. He had to undergo both psychological and physiological testing he'd always dreaded it, the psychological testing, he was always afraid that they would come back with the possible results that he had schizophrenia, but in the end it still wasn't to be, and the doctor returned with a valid script in which he was able to acquire more liquefied bottles of dilaudid. It'd been too easy, little did the doctor and the check - out woman know, but they were quite literally feeding his addiction.

The woman had been all too happy to give the amount of narcotics prescribed, and what was better was that she didn't even bother to ask any questions. Maybe she'd felt sorry for him as she read through the paperwork that stated that he needed it for the physical pain he'd sustained on a case.

To Spencer the 'situation' sounded like he'd sustained post-traumatic stress disorder, but in a way he wasn't really lying as he was trying to cloak the pain he'd sustained from Tobias Hankel. However, through the use of dilaudid Tobias Hankel had also made sure he wouldn't be forgotten, as Spencer continued to use.

The woman grabbed the boxes of liquefied dilaudid that were hidden out of sight behind the counter which she placed in a brown paper bag. Spencer paid for the dilaudid in cash to escape his colleague's watchful eye as he knew it wouldn't be able to be detectable. They would know of course that his profound usage of dilaudid was becoming a habit and slowly but surely being used for recreational use if he'd paid in credit.

It was raining heavily when he made it to the car that was furthest from the door of pharmacist as he couldn't find a car park.

Once, he got to his noticeable Volvo Amazon P130 122S he put the car into drive and drove onto the freeway that headed towards his apartment.

* * *

At a time that was considered to be late and a time when most people would be going to bed the members of behavioural analysis unit received a distressing call from Penelope Garcia informing them that on the database she'd registered a triple zero call that had been pinpointed to Reid's address. She'd collected everyone's details for contact reasons, and for reasons such as this one at hand. Garcia had always liked to know where her team was and what was going on when they left on the plane without her, but she'd always dreaded a moment like this. The team stopped everything they were doing and hastily made their way over there. Morgan busted down the deadlocked door to Spencer's apartment. The state of the apartment owned by a man with OCD was appalling. There were coffee cups scattered all over the apartment on any surface available, they also found many items of appeal lining the floor along with books, and they found dated food around the place. When had Spence last been in a grocery shop? JJ thought to herself.

The agents spotted Reid through the soft emitted creamy glow that had given the genius comfort he was sprawled out upon the light brown downy carpet anyone else would probably think that he'd had too many drinks and fallen onto the floor but the agents knew better than to contemplate that of the young doctor.

Morgan, felt uneasy has he approached his friend. Could it be possible that he was dead? Did he really want to find out?

His breathing increased as Rossi and JJ watched intently he felt as though he was back in high school having to do a presentation in front of the class. He hated that feeling, when the nerves would get too much, and you would urge your brain to 'shut up' as it screamed at you to run away moments before you're about to present.

Morgan, took small steps towards the unmoving body, it was then that he saw it, the needle it was still stuck in his arm and not even all the deluded, had been used before the constrains became too much for Reid's body to handle.

Morgan, bent down and shakenly checked the kids' pulse it took a moment as he tried his hardest to compose himself until he found the unfinished novel "As I Lay Dying" by William Faulkner in the coffee table. It made him feel sick to the stomach because his friend was quite literally dying right before his eyes.

"Dammit, he's been using dilaudid; if he dies I'm going to kill him myself." An exasperated Prentiss shouted from the bathroom as she found Spencer's stash of narcotics.

Morgan, took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down and make his hands steady he pressed his shuddering fingerings against the kid's neck where he managed to find a pulse, he couldn't believe it, he had a pulse, it was an extremely faint pulse, but it was there.

"He's alive." Morgan said his loudly enough, but he was still trembling, his teammates knew he wasn't being his usually poised self, but who wouldn't be?

JJ, gave a deep breath after realizing she herself had stopped breathing as she'd waited for the outcome.

Rossi, had been in the corridor in front of the apartments, he'd called an ambulance while Morgan had been working with Reid. He didn't want to admit it, but there was still a possibility that they could lose their friend and colleague. He may have felt a flutter of hope when he'd heard Morgan inform the other's that Reid had a pulse, but they weren't out of the darkness yet.

When the paramedics finally made it up the flights of stairs because the elevator had crashed they found that Spencer's condition had worsened, he was in the middle of a seizure he was frothing at the mouth and convulsing as his airways became blocked.

"Come on, please don't give up on us that easily pretty boy." Morgan said his voice full of distress.

The paramedics repositioned Spencer onto his side trying to work clearing his airway the paramedics tried their best to sound positive but the agents knew that there was doubt that their friend wouldn't make it, they'd spent twenty minutes on the man using all the procedures they could to help him but his skin was quickly becoming discoloured, turning a pale shade of blue.

"We've lost him." One of the paramedics said.

The genius Dr. Spencer Reid was dead. His face was becoming cold, and his mouth was coated in in froth, they had done all they could for the agent, but it hadn't been enough.

Their best friend, their youngest member had died of a drug overdose.

JJ, was inconsolable as the tears continued to flow. Morgan, had his hand on her shoulder as moral support, but, he couldn't help but cry either. His pride was hanging by a thread but, right now he didn't care, he didn't care if he cried or if his colleagues saw him. Rossi and Prentiss knew that morally they knew they had to keep it together for their two younger members, but Prentiss didn't mind letting a few tears go as they watched Spencer's lifeless body being carried down the stairs and into the back of the ambulance.

* * *

**I apologise in advance if there are any grammatical mistakes this really isn't my area. I just love to write!**

**I also want to quickly state that I'm from Australia so some aspects may sound different because I'm not really accustomed to the language alterations in America. **

**Please Review! It's nice to know what you guys thought of the story—good or bad.**

**If you have any ideas, suggestions or just want to talk for whatever reason, please PM me I don't mind.**

**TBC…**

**A.L107**


	2. Part Two

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Criminal Minds series it all belongs to the creator Jeff Davis and producers Mark Gordon, Aaron Zelman and Janine Sherman Barrois.**

*~ **As It Seems** ~*

**Chapter Two**

* * *

"Ready." one of the paramedics said.

The sirens of the ambulance blared as the driver headed towards the nearest hospital.

Two paramedics sat in the back with Spencer's body. The elder paramedic grabbed the defibrillator and followed the steps provided.

"One, clear." the paramedic stated as he watched the unmoving flat line.

"Again." The other paramedic said.

"Two, clear." the paramedic said as there was still no movement.

"Again." he repeated.

"Three, clear." The paramedic said his tone now holding little optimism; this was the last shock he was able to administer before the doctor would have to officially be declared dead.

His chest heaved, and the monitor conveyed that the young FBI agent had a pulse, it was faint but it was there.

The paramedic let out a sigh of relief as did his colleague it still felt right when they'd managed to save a life as they once again felt the recollection of adrenaline fill their veins. It made them smile as they realised that in the end all hope was not lost.

* * *

Spencer Reid, drifted in between consciousness, his team mates had come to visit him and had brought in flowers, and Morgan had read him books and brought some from his apartment so he wouldn't be so bored.

The team had been so relieved when they heard that there colleague wasn't truly dead, the paramedic's still holding hope for Spencer who had only been dead for a few minutes, his lifeless body still warm, and at the early stages of death had used a defibrillator as it was luckily still an option for the young FBI agent which in the end had saved his life.

* * *

_**Quantico, VA (FBI headquarters)**_

"**A few weeks later" **

"Reid, come with me for a minute will you." Rossi said in all seriousness.

"What?" Reid snapped.

"It's the withdrawal symptoms isn't it?" Rossi asked.

Reid's mind went into over-drive, feeling utterly defeated. How had he known about his ongoing drug problem?

"No, what are you talking about?" Reid replied hastily as he tried to keep his cover.

"The dilaudid, you've been taking it ever since your released from hospital." Rossi retorted.

"No, I haven't just leave me alone will you." He snapped.

"Reid, we found the bottles in your apartment, when you... you overdosed there is no way you could possibly be clean in only a few weeks you've pretty much been cold turkey since being in hospital."

"I'm not on drugs." Spencer snapped again.

"Reid." Rossi said with a harsh voice, as he grabbed his arm. "Stop being so cynical will you."

Reid conveyed a hurt expression. "Let me go!" He yelled.

"Come on, we're going for a drive." Rossi said in a composed tone as he pulled him by the arm and into his black SUV.

"We're are we going? Reid asked as he looked through his go - bag having found a book to immerse himself with.

"We are going to visit your mother." Rossi said. Spencer was taken - aback he felt shame when seeing his mother, she was a sick woman, and he was so afraid that he'd become sick like her, but in his present state was he really any different?

"No, I don't want to see her." Spencer stated glumly since his addiction had started he'd stop sending his mother daily letters, it had been a coping mechanism for her, but he'd been too selfish and caught up in his own life to really care anymore.

"You know that if you keep persisting to consume dilaudid you'll be at a higher risk of developing schizophrenia." Rossi said.

"Where did you learn that?" Spencer asked.

"The Internet." Rossi muttered.

Spencer laughed. "You, do know it's going to take us a day and a half to get there right?"

"It's a 2419 mile trip or if converted, it's 3893 kilometres." Spencer said.

"Now that's the Reid, I know." Rossi said with a smile.

* * *

Rossi pulled over, near a mid-ranged hotel, were he'd booked a conjoining room.

The room held a simple design, two double beds a simple kitchen with a fridge, kettle and sink and a small bathroom with cheap fittings.

Rossi, had gone down for dinner at the down stairs restaurant after hearing about their peppered stake deal. Spencer, having told Rossi that he wanted to have a shower and change his clothes since the drive had left him feeling stuffy. Rossi had agreed and told him that he'd go place an order.

Spencer, sat in the shower in a foetal position unable to control the urges of dilaudid that flooded his mind he'd shrouded a few bottles in his go bag. He'd been craving it all afternoon and having been in the care of Rossi hadn't help he'd only craved it more as he listen to Rossi's irregular compositions as the man droned on about rehabilitation and going to visit his mother.

"Reid, are you okay I've placed the order." Rossi said.

"I can't do it, I can't do it anymore." Spencer exclaimed as tears of frustration welled in his eyes.

"Hop out of the shower and we'll talk." Rossi said loudly enough so Spencer could hear him over the droning of the shower.

"You sound like a hostage interrogator." Reid replied back.

"Well, it's my job isn't it." Rossi said with a grin.

Spencer, dried himself off and change into clean set of attire, as he opened the door he found Rossi sitting there waiting for him.

I can't do it anymore." Reid reaffirmed.

"Reid, it'll be okay you'll get through it." Rossi assured.

"Are you sure, it's already taken my sullen life more than once." He questioned.

"I'm sure, quite sure this is the whole point of this trip, remember?" Rossi said.

* * *

The next morning the two men continued their drive, Rossi had pulled over at a nearby Hungry Jacks during the lunch time rush when Spencer had protested like a small child that he was craving a cheeseburger the two ate at the dinner in silence as Spencer was preoccupied, and relishing in the deliciousness of his cheeseburger, that he didn't have the ability to talk. Once they had finished there meal the two hit the road again until they arrived at their destination Bennington Sanitation.

* * *

_**Las Vegas NV, Bennington Sanitation**_

"My baby boy you haven't been writing to me I... I thought something had happened to you." Diana stated as she held her son in her arms.

"I know Mum I'm sorry." Spencer said as a rush of guilt overcame him.

"Something's wrong?" Diana said.

"I… I have a drug problem." He stated.

"Oh, Spencer you know the repercussions don't you what it can do to your mind? How did this happen?"

Spencer, sat down on the chair that was situated beside his mother and told her everything, every little intricate detail about Tobias Hankel and his torture, his fear of the darkness, how dilaudid had helped him, and was now becoming the 'death' of him, and how he was unable to control it how it scared him that he was unwillingly changing without feeling it, how he was slowly becoming a different person.

His mother had listened intently without interruption.

Spencer, this isn't your fault this was never your fault just promise me just promise me will you that you'll never take, dilaudid or narcotics again, and that you will write to your dear mother everyday so she doesn't have to worry.

Spencer, nodded unable to meet his mother's gaze.

"Promise me Spencer." She said in all seriousness.

"I promise." He replied.

Rossi, couldn't help but smile at the situation that was quickly unfolding before him, this was definitely a good step in his recovery.

* * *

**Support Group for Drug and Alcohol dependency (6'clock to 7'clock, Thursday nights)**

Spencer, checked his watch it was 5:49 he only had eleven minutes until the support group started he had enough time to run, to run away he hated to admit that he needed help, and that's exactly what he'd have to do in eleven minutes time if he left now he'd still be able to hang onto a little bit of pride.

Spencer, shook his head no he couldn't, he couldn't leave the urge to run was strong, but he'd promised he'd promised his mother and he'd promised the team that he'd get help, and so here he was there was no way he could leave now.

"What's your name?" The support group manager asked as she scribbled notes onto a clipboard.

"Hello my names Spencer, but you can call me Reid." Spencer said.

The manager had given him a sincere smile she had a natural amount of makeup which he noticed suited her auburn coloured hair, she had chocolate brown eyes and purple framed glasses along with a purple shirt with white polka dots, black Lee Copper jeans, and sophisticated black wedges.

This woman reminded him a little of Garcia which made him wonder if the two would become friends? And if Morgan saw her would she try and snap her up right way? The prospect had made him laugh.

"Make Reid feel welcomed everyone." She'd in a tone that was supposed to push the group into showing a little enthusiasm.

"Hello, Reid." The members drowning voices said in unison it had occurred to him that these people didn't want any part of themselves there either, but they'd stuck though listening to people's problems as they tried to gain that much needed support so they didn't need to come to this dreaded place ever again.

"Now Reid, why don't you tell us why you came here his evening, hmm?" She said.

"Ah, okay." He replied as he saw a whole bunch of eyes watching him, making him feel a twinge of nervousness.

Spencer told them, he told them how he'd been kidnapped and drugged and had since developed a dependency on the narcotic. He'd actually astounded himself on how easily he'd managed to tell these complete strangers his darkest secret, maybe it was because they wouldn't judge him and hassle him like the team, maybe these people where his new barrier of support in a way in which it would be anonymous and they would help each other to defeat there dependencies. Spencer thought to himself.

They had gone through everyone's problems and discussed techniques to get through them along with the twelve - step program:

**Twelve step program (overview) **

-_Admitting that one cannot control one's alcoholism, addiction or compulsion. _

_-Recognizing a higher power that can restore sanity. _

_-Examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member)_

_-Making amends for these errors. _

_-Learning to live a new life with a new code of behaviour. _

_-Helping others who suffer from the same alcoholism, addictions or compulsions._

Which Spencer managed to find quite insightful he found it to be like a check list and hopefully if he stuck to his OCD routines he wouldn't go off track, but in his current state he wasn't totally sure.

He'd gone home that night feeling a sense of accomplishment Emily, Morgan and Garcia had decided to ambush him as he found them in his apartment with movies in hand and packets of microwaveable popcorn, Morgan had ordered pizza and Garcia had brought along a plate full of decorated homemade baked goods. He'd enjoyed himself being with his friends it made him feel that he belonged that he had something to cling onto and make him want to stay and keep trying to live life to the fullest and beat his dependency on dilaudid.

* * *

"Hey, kiddo how are you going?" Garcia said as she gave him a loving hug.

"I'm fine Garcia; it's good to be back." He said as he returned her hug.

Glad to hear it, now take this." she said handing him a package.

"This is a Schwab test." Spencer stated with a quizzical look.

"Yes, I have to make sure you keep to your word, and don't lie to me." She said.

"Are you going to do this every day?" Spencer asked.

"I'll do it as long as it makes sure you don't relapse, and put yourself in harm's way." Garcia said kind heartedly; Spencer knew to take her seriously on the matter though.

"Thanks Garcia, for everything." He said with a small smile.

"You're very welcome g-man, now you'd better get to work." She said with a grin.

Spencer went to the bathroom and took the Schwab test in peace, not wanting everyone in a building full of FBI agents to know that he'd had a drug problem.

Spencer ripped open the packaging and put the Schwab test in his mouth, coating it in as much saliva as he could possible muster and then he handed it back to Garcia.

"Thanks, sweetie, luckily for you there's no drugs in you system today, your results are negative." She said as she read the fine print with a beaming smile.

This was one of many steps though his rehabilitation and it made him smile at the thought that his friends were there for him every step of the way to make sure he stuck to the regime and didn't go off the rails. They were like his own personal support group, and they were more than friends, this team was his family.

* * *

*~**The End**~*

**Thank you for reading, reviewing, and adding this story to your favourites list and also following! **

**This is the last chapter and I immensity enjoyed writing it. **

**I hope you enjoyed it just as much as I did. **

**A.L107 **


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